What the Diet Industry Doesn't Tell You

Fitness magazines and diet books have taught me a lot over the years, but I always felt like they were leaving out a giant piece of the equation. After devouring the latest dieting tome, I would excitedly plot out menus, shopping lists and exercise plans for the week. Yet two days later the plans would fall by the wayside and I'd be left feeling guilty, ashamed and frustrated that I couldn't seem to follow through.

In recent years the diet industry has added more discussion about healthy behaviors . In addition to the ubiquitous lists of approved foods and ever shifting focus from fat to carbs to protein, attention is now being given to habits that naturally thin people have. Advice like sticking to the outer perimeter of the grocery store (to avoid the packaged garbage in the center aisles), eating every few hours to regulate blood sugar, never skipping breakfast and not bringing trigger foods into the house are all excellent suggestions, but a major component is still missing: even after learning all of these tricks, many of us still have difficulty following through.

There have been many times where I’ve had an almost out-of-body experience, mentally screaming at myself to put down the 11th cookie and step away from the kitchen. I would get so fustrated. I knew what I should be eating to fuel my body properly, yet I continuously made terrible choices, even when I desperately wanted to change my diet.

After years of searching, I’ve finally found the missing link. I had to determine WHY I ate the wrong things (besides the fact that they taste delicious!) Like a detective, I recorded everything that was happening while I was eating, then scoured my emotional eating journal searching for clues. What were my triggers? What situations led to compulsive eating? What did I truly need, because it's not really about the food, it's about something in my life pushing me over the edge and feeling spiritually disconnected.

As I learned to solve my issues and become more spiritually awake, my compulsion to eat the wrong things honestly subsided. Notice I said "subsided", not "disappeared." Maybe someday I'll be able to be neutral about my favorite trigger foods, but for now I'm just thrilled with the progress I've made and the feeling that I'm finally on the right path.

Our emotional and spiritual health is the missing link that the diet industry rarely talks about. I understand why they don't. It's complex, it's ugly and there is no one-size-fits-all solution. “Learn to feel your emotions, communicate with your loved ones and process anger, fear and resentment like a mature adult” is not quite as sexy and simple as “Eat This to Have Rock Hard Abs!” But it's a vitally important part of the weight loss equation.

Are you a Compulsive Over Eater?

For years I've felt like an alcoholic who ate sugary confections instead of drinking tumblers of vodka. After decades of fumbling around in the dark, I finally found a program that addresses the compulsive nature of my disastrous diet. I finally have hope that I can get my life back on track and stop letting myself be controlled by food. This is the quiz that changed my life:

1. Do you eat when you’re not hungry?
2. Do you go on eating binges for no apparent reason?
3. Do you have feelings of guilt and remorse after overeating?
4. Do you give too much time and thought to food?
5. Do you look forward with pleasure and anticipation to the time when you can eat alone?
6. Do you plan these secret binges ahead of time?
7. Do you eat sensibly before others and make up for it alone?
8. Is your weight affecting the way you live your life?
9. Have you tried to diet for a week (or longer), only to fall short of your goal?
10. Do you resent others telling you to “use a little willpower” to stop overeating?
11. Despite evidence to the contrary, have you continued to assert that you can diet “on your own” whenever you wish?
12. Do you crave to eat at a definite time, day or night, other than mealtime?
13. Do you eat to escape from worries or trouble?
14. Have you ever been treated for obesity or a food-related condition?
15. Does your eating behavior make you or others unhappy?

I'm sure many of you think these questions are crazy and can't begin to fathom how some of us can think like this. Please don't judge - this post is not intended for you.

But if you feel like you can answer 'YES' to at least three of the above questions, let me introduce you to the program that is saving my life: Overeaters Anonymous.

It is a sister program to Alcoholics Anonymous in the same vein as Narcotics and Gamblers Anonymous. It is NOT a diet program, it is a program to help you learn how to make peace with whatever has power over you.

I don't want to speak for OA, they describe the program far better than I ever could. I just wanted to provide a resource for those who are seeking it. My life was out of control for far too long. I wish I'd found this program years ago.

If the quiz above had you thinking "Did she put a Nanny-cam in my house? How did she know!?", then let me reach out my hand and tell you hope is nearby. In addition to the traditional "face to face" meetings, OA has a long list of phone and online meetings also. The online meetings are a great way to test the waters and get a feel for the program. I have learned a tremendous amount in just a few weeks.

Check out www.oa.org
Good luck and welcome home.

The Benefits of Temporary Blindness

What do you do when reality threatens to derail your progress?

Yesterday was an unbelievably gorgeous day here in the Northeast. It's not too often you see the temperature hit 65 degrees on January 7th. As I raced around completing errands in the morning I mentally calculated that I had exactly 75 minutes to fit in a walk outside and a shower before taking my oldest son to a birthday party. After grocery shopping I burst through the door, rapidly told my husband the plan and was dressed and out the door within five minutes.

Forty five minutes later my lungs were full of fresh air, my head was clear and I felt  really happy. I was proud of myself that I had made the time to exercise  - something that is easily pushed off the agenda when life becomes busy.

The smile was quickly smacked off my face, however, as I caught an unexpected glimpse of myself in the mirror while climbing into the shower. I sucked in my breath as I remembered "Oh that's right, I'm still 50 pounds overweight." I felt the air leave my lungs, my stomach lurch and tears rise in my throat. Two seconds ago I had felt so good! My body felt strong and healthy. How could there be such a huge disconnect between perception and reality?

I was suffering from what I call "Dieter Dementia" - that unrealistic voice in my head that says "I've eaten vegetables, resisted the siren call of sugar and exercised for four whole days - shouldn't I be a size six by now?" It's easy to forget that it took me thirty years to get my body into this state. It's not going to magically morph in a few days' time.

Normally this frustrating moment would turn into a death spiral of emotional eating. But this time I decided that the best thing I could do for myself would be to pretend I was a racehorse and put some temporary blinders on. If my body felt strong, than I was going to stop looking in the mirror and focus on the fact that I was feeling physically stronger than I've felt in a long time.

I'm not advocating for ignoring reality, that's not healthy either. We need to be honest with ourselves about the state of our health. But if the image in the mirror is going to destroy a groove of healthy eating and exercise, than it's better to put some blinders on until the moment passes.

My Crisper: Where Good Vegetables Go To Die

Apparently I am running some sort of subsidy program for the Vegetable Farmers of America. Each  week I buy crisp, vibrant produce while visions of  soup, stir fry and salad dance in my head.  Yet three weeks later these once nutrient laden powerhouses lie limp, bruised and rotting in the bottom of  my fridge. The promise of nourishing meals having been erased by the realities of busy schedules, bad habits and picky palates.

Now here is where I should be offering inspirational ideas on how to change this travesty, but at the moment I don't have any. This is actually a huge problem in my house, one that I'm moving to the forefront of my health battle.

I CAN tell you what my new plan of attack is for this situation. An acquaintance of mine is a   certified health coach and hard core vegan. Who better to teach me how to use all those lovely green orbs than someone who only eats plants? So I've scheduled a meeting with her. I've also attended her free cooking classes at our local health food market. Honestly, the first class I was terrified of actually tasting the samples. I wanted to attend because her first recipe featured kale - something that is so unbelievably good for you, but it looks terrifyingly tough and bitter. As I put the kale on my fork I was like a little kid - wrinkling my nose and already planning how I could sneak the rest of my plate into the garbage without getting caught. To my surprise I honestly really liked it. I'm not saying it will become my go-to side dish, but I ate the entire portion and truly enjoyed it.

If you're interested in testing the waters of the nutritional powerhouse of kale, but are wary of its reputation, my coach turned me on to the magic of kale chips. They give the illusion of eating  potato chips, and are typically covered in a delectable cashew coating. This sounds like a sneaky way to get my tastebuds used to a new flavor and they are on my shopping list for this week.

So at the moment my plan to change my vegetable murdering ways consists of getting new ideas from a knowledgeable source, attending free classes to taste test professionally made samples, and looking for the simplest ways to start making vegetables a habit instead of a stress-inducing chore. I'll be sure to report back on my progress and I'd love to hear how you manage to seamlessly incorporate vegetables into your life.

A Su Salud! (To your health!)

Kay

A Different Type of New Year's Day

I've always loved New Year's Day. It represents a clean slate. It's a chance to start over, do things the right way, "get my act together" and stop killing myself slowly with bad habits.

I've spent previous January 1sts surrounded by a stack of  fitness magazines and notebooks, making endless lists of menu plans, workout itineraries and weekly schedules. Like many other "dieters",  I would attempt a way-too-intense workout and make a spartan meal to start the year off right. And by 9:08 a.m. on January 2nd all of the previous day's planning had been nullified by a craving and caving in to a sugary foe.

This January 1st is different. I am still planning out a weekly menu, but it's something I do all of the time now. I am still making a schedule of when I will work out this week, but that's because if I don't put it on the calendar other things can easily become "more important." What's different this year is that I understand that planning is not the Holy Grail of weight loss. Don't get me wrong, planning is important. "Failing to plan is planning to fail." We can't feed ourselves properly without having the right food in the house and making time to prepare it. But the number one thing that I need for a healthy lifestyle is my mental game plan.

This is the whole point to Brownie Rehab. Most of us are intelligent people who understand that we need to exercise and eat healthy food in order to be fit. But for compulsive or emotional eaters, this knowledge is not enough. We need to have the mental tools to help us make the right choices WHEN LIFE IS THROWING US CURVEBALLS. Menus and workout plans can't help when the kids are screaming, the checkbook is in the red, your Mother is gossiping about your cousins and the car is making a $1000 noise.

The first tool in my mental game plan is the emotional eating journal. If you don't have one, click here to read all about it. Once you've tracked your triggers for a few weeks, the next step is to pause and ask yourself "What do I REALLY need?" when you find yourself reaching for that brownie. This is the part that takes practice.

The first question to ask yourself is actually  "What am I really upset about?" The mental conversation might sound like this: "The kids are fighting and I can't take it anymore. My nerves are on edge. I don't have any patience left. I'm exhausted and raw."

The second question is "What do I really need?" The obvious answer is that you need the kids to stop fighting. But what else specifically can help the situation? Maybe the kids need some time to themselves - not necessarily a punishment, just time without their sibling to feel like they can do what they want instead of having to constantly negotiate.  It could be as simple as having one kid play in the kitchen and the other one play in the family room. 


If you keep pondering "What do I really need" you might find other answers too. Maybe you'll admit that you need some time to yourself to decompress. It's like the pre-flight instructions on a plane - put your own oxygen mask on first, before you try to take care of anyone else.  Try to get a babysitter, negotiate free time with your spouse or call another Mom that you can trade drop off playdates. You might realize that you're just physically tired and you need to force yourself to go to bed earlier instead of staying up sucking time on Facebook.

This example happened to be parenting related, but the idea is always the same. When you find yourself staring into the pantry, searching mindlessly for something you know you'll regret later... pause.  Ask yourself  "Am I actually hungry? Why am I looking for something that I know I'll feel guilty about later? Am I actually upset about something? What can I do to resolve whatever is bothering me?"

The deeper you delve into "What do I really need?", the closer you'll come to gaining control of emotional eating.

The core of emotional eating is that we eat to stifle our emotions, the same way an alcoholic drinks to escape their problems. Actually dealing with our emotions and trying to problem solve are equally, if not more, important than any menu plan or exercise routine.

Happy New Year. May this be the year that you find what you really need.

xoxo,
Kay

There's a reason why we call it "TMI"

Yes, I am alive and have not taken up residence at the bottom of a bowl of raw cake batter.  I apologize for falling into the abyss and disappearing. Thank you to those who have asked "Whatever happened to that blog you were writing?" It truly means alot to me that you are actually interested in my little "Diary of a Brownie Addict".

Honestly, I disappeared for a ridiculous reason.  I became embarrased, feeling like I shared a bit too much personal information (yes, I DO realize it's a blog.) It sounds backwards, but I have no problem sharing personal info in the interest of helping random strangers, but since many of you actually know me in real life I caught a bad case of stage fright. I think I'm officially over it now. From now on I will just picture you all in your underwear and the show will go on.

XOXO,
Kay

Opposite Day: Follow Seinfeld's lead for healthy lifestyle changes

The other day I suddenly realized that I was living in a Seinfeld episode. In "The Opposite", a waitress assumes that George will be ordering his usual lunch - tuna on toast with a cup of coffee. George's reply seems to come from a moment of spontaneous inspiration: "I always have tuna on toast. Nothing's ever worked out for me with tuna on toast. I want the complete opposite of tuna on toast. Chicken salad, on rye, untoasted ... and a cup of tea." By the end of the episode, his character has undergone an amazing metamorphosis, simply by doing the complete opposite of every instinct he has.

There are a lot of days that I feel like George. In any given week, 80% of what I eat is the same as the week before. And I could definitely say "Nothing's ever worked out for me with a bagel and cream cheese for breakfast." If I'm always eating the same things, exercising the same way and making the same excuses  - how is my body supposed to change?

My "Opposite Day" began as I pulled into the parking lot of  my local warehouse club and accidentally drove to a section that I normally never use. That's right, I'm one of those crazy people who tend to park in approximately the same place. I always enter through the same doors and shop the aisles in the same order. It's borderline OCD.

Yet on this day, a quiet voice in the back of my head whispered "I wonder what it would feel like if I parked on the other side today?" It was an odd sensation, yet it somehow felt good to shake things up.  As I entered the store, I laughed to myself and thought, "Since I parked in the wrong spot,  I might as well go through the store in reverse order too."  As I made my way down the aisles, I realized that I actually felt more awake and aware. Typically I sleepwalk through the aisles, mindlessly grabbing the same items that I always buy, but on this "Opposite Day" I found myself consciously deciding to skip the snack aisles and try some new produce.

Later that same day I realized that I was starving and running late for my next appointment. Normally, this would have meant that I'd hit the drive thru for something that I could eat quickly and neatly in my car on the way to my next stop. But since I'd now remembered the infamous Seinfeld episode, I'd mentally declared today "Opposite Day." It took a bit of arguing with myself, but I eventually drove to a fresh salad place that I rarely go to. My excuses are usually that the parking lot is a pain to navigate, the menu is unfamiliar and I don't have enough time. But on Opposite Day,  as I sat and ate my salad, I was so happy and proud of myself. The food was delicious, I made it to my next appointment on time and I felt like a whole new world was opening up before me. The best part was that I felt happy instead of guilty and sluggish. 

That afternoon I had 20 minutes to spare before picking my kids up from school. Normally I would  have sat in the school parking lot reading a magazine. But since today was rolling on as an Opposite Day success story, I parked my car in an unfamiliar neighborhood and went for an impromptu walk instead. Instead of feeling stiff and lethargic, I felt energized.

For 40 years I've eaten the same things and exercised (or not) in the same way, made the same excuses and had the same lack of results. The Seinfeld line "If every instinct you have is wrong, then the opposite would have to be right" truly hits home for me.  My Opposite Day started off quite by accident but, like George, by the end of the day I felt like a new person. As I find myself tempted by old, bad habits I try to remind myself of how good it felt to try something new. I hope you find inspiration in it too!